How to sacrifice for others without losing your soul?

Assalamu'alaikum,

We live in strange times when life seems about fulfilling our personal desires and goals. Our hyper-individualistic worlds have made sacrificing time, money, and effort for God or others feel abnormal, even suppressive.

We don’t like it when we are asked to do things that are inconvenient for us or require some sacrifice and effort.

However, when we look at the example of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his companions, we notice how they sacrificed so much for Allah SWT and others, sometimes even at the expense of their personal needs.

Why do we struggle to sacrifice for others?

I recently came across the concept of Reactance Theory which might explain why we sometimes struggle to sacrifice for others. Developed by psychologist Jack W. Brehm, Reactance Theory suggests that when people feel their freedom is threatened, they experience reactance - a resistance to the perceived restriction, which often leads them to do the opposite of what is imposed (Think of Shaytaan exploiting this, when he convinced Adam and Hawaa (peace be upon both of them) eat from the forbidden tree).

Applying this to our context, one might feel a sense of reactance when asked to sacrifice personal desires for the sake of God or others. For example, you might feel reactance to let go of a sin and don’t want to let go of it for the sake of God. Or you’ll feel reactance when one of your parents or spouse asks you to help them with something and you choose to ignore them because the timing is inconvenient for you.

So how do we overcome reactance?

We need to reframe our perspective on sacrifice: We need to understand that we are not 'losing' our freedom when we serve Allah SWT or serve His creation, but we are willingly submitting ourselves to our Creator for the ultimate purpose of worshipping Him.

You might think “Ok, this sounds good in theory - but if I keep sacrificing for others, won’t people take advantage of me?” Good question!

The key is to differentiate between sacrificing for others for the sake of God and sacrificing for others to please them. When we sacrifice for God's sake, we feel a sense of inner peace and fulfillment that is not contingent on the responses or reactions of others. We know that Allah SWT is the All-Knowing, and He is aware of our intentions and efforts. Moreover, we’re not waiting for praise or thanks from others, rather the state of our heart is saying,

However, when we sacrifice for others to please them, our satisfaction becomes tied to their approval. This is not healthy or sustainable in the long term, as people's reactions and responses are unpredictable and often beyond our control.

5 Practical tips to sacrifice for others without losing your soul:

1. Renew Intentions: Always renew your intention when serving God and others. Do your actions for the pleasure of Allah SWT and not merely for others' approval.

2. Reframe Your Sacrifices: Instead of seeing your sacrifices as a restriction, view them as a conscious choice to please Allah. This reframing can help reduce feelings of reactance.

3. Self-care & Boundaries: Remember that caring for yourself is also a form of ibadah (worship). You must be at your best to fully serve others. Learn to set healthy boundaries. You can be generous without allowing people to take advantage of you.

4. Seek help: Family, friends, and even strangers can sometimes offer advice and support that help you keep going. Don't try to deal with your sacrifices alone.

5. Ask Allah for Help: Always seek help from Allah SWT through prayer and dua to keep you sincere in sacrificing for Him and others for His sake.

Let us remember the words of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH): "The best of people are those that bring the most benefit to people."

May Allah guide us all toward what is best.

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